I feel it is important to get this out of the way and introducing you to the inside of my head is a good start. It can be confusing in there.
I’m just a normal woman who has tried all her life to live an extraordinary life.
I live in my head. It is a fact, and perhaps a statement, but that is how it is. My brain never switches off. I could never do yoga or meditate. Relaxing is not something I can do without some sort of outside help. It also has to be very engaging to get me to stop thinking.
I often find when I am talking to people that a simple phrase can make my mind go off in a direction instead of the one it is meant to be heading. Then comes the realisation that I haven’t heard a word they have said for the last couple of minutes. It‘s crazy, but my head is a strange place. Even for me. I often find myself lost there and no idea where I left the map to help me get out.
Of course, the mind that never stops makes many things difficult. Really, everything becomes that much harder. The constant assessment of what you’re doing. Are you doing it right? What will other people think about it? It is exhausting at times.
It is one of those things that is constantly working out what is right, what is wrong and what it should do. Every moment before anything happens is rehearsed in my head and then I try to work out what will happen and what I will do when it does. Of course, nothing ever goes the way my head thinks it will. In that respect, I guess you could say, my life is a series of surprises. Yet, I have to say I hate them.
Though in some ways it can be a good thing, I find that I always have something to think about, or even better, something to fantasize about. My imagination has been one of the best things in my life. When things were going bad in the real world, I could just shut down and escape inside to the safety of my head. I would become another person and live in another world.
Imaginations are amazing, don’t you think? You can be anyone, or be a better version of yourself. You can rehearse the world around you to make everything go the way you want it to. I love the inside of my head. It has always seemed more interesting that what was really going on outside it.